Cassandra was born on January 23, 1996 and she was an angel from the moment she took her first breath. Everything about her was perfect from the fuzzy red hair that stood straight up in all directions on her round little head, to the big blue eyes peaking out from under perfectly shaped lashes. Her nose was tiny and pink and her lips were full and pouty, her cheeks were the prettiest rose color I have ever seen. She had long fingers on her tiny hands but they were perfect with their little dimples in every knuckle. Her legs were some of my favorite of her parts, if that’s possible, with their little rolls on her inner thighs that never did quite go away and she was always so ticklish there. Her little feet were the cutest things I’d ever seen with her little monkey toes that curled around my fingers; Even the cry that made her bottom lip tremble was perfect. She was definitely an angel and she practically blinded everyone with her beauty. I couldn’t take my eyes or hands off of her, she mesmerized me completely. I was trapped, wrapped and enslaved from the moment I beheld her.
My addiction to her only grew as she did and I was ever convinced of her status as the angel she was. Now as a Christian I don’t honestly believe that humans become angels when they pass from this life but I do believe angels walk among us and if ever a child is truly an angel she was. She was almost always happy and smiling and her down times were short. She loved to cuddle, sing and dance and was a tinker all the way, every toy she had that could be taken apart was destroyed in the name of science and discovery.
Her adorable red hair softened to a silky blonde but ever did it appreciate the freedom of pointing in all directions. It was hard to tame but I had a lot of fun trying and she never really minded, though she wouldn’t keep bows or barrettes in for long. She loved dressing herself and had a unique and bizarre since of style. She had a shoe fetish and a fear of grass so she would never leave the house without her shoes on and loved collecting new pairs. Spaghetti was her favorite dinner but she was a neat freak and had to have her own napkin so that she could wipe her hands and face after every bite, otherwise she would go into hysterics over the mess on her hands. She didn’t mind the mess she made on the floor or highchair so much as long as it didn’t touch her. She was always happy to help me clean up any mess she made though it often took longer to achieve than if I had just cleaned it myself. We always had fun doing it together and that made the extra time worth it.
Cassandra wasn’t my biological child but she was my heart’s child and our bond was genuine and stronger than many blood blond relationships I’ve seen and heard about. So when Cassandra passed away in her sleep on July 1, 1998 my heart and my world was shattered. She was a healthy happy 2 year old and went to bed the way she always had but for some reason, she didn’t wake up in the morning. In 1998 there was no cause to rule her death as, so her autopsy reported unknown causes. It was later ruled as SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood) but that wasn’t for several years after her death.
Cassandra’s was never consider a SIDS death because she was well over the one year age marker which is in the descriptions of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) but her death followed all of the other similarities. It was excruciating to lose her and made worse to have no name for what took her. I searched the internet and joined grief support groups until I finally found a group of families who had also lost children of similar age to unknown causes. A few of those mothers went on to form the SUDC Foundations with Dr. Henry Krous and it has grown tremendously. SUDC is more rare than SIDS with a reported incidence in the U.S. of 1.3 deaths per 100,000 children, compared to 57 deaths per 100,000 live births for SIDS in 2002. To me that is still far too many precious lives.
http://www.sudc.org/Home/tabid/37/Default.aspx
Lennae Underwood Brown writes: I knew and loved that precious little girl too. She had my heart before she was born.
I felt her love for you in the little voice calling you "Ad'da".
Her little unique ways of pulling every cover off the bed or ripping apart the couch looking for things that were never there. She was so sure she would find whatever it was she was looking for.
Oh and the shoe thing was priceless. Strip start naked with a pair of white patten leather Easter shoes on your back porch is a vivid image, I pray never fades from my memories of her.
*Blows sweet kisses to heaven*
I love you too Cassie!
My Response: Ok, now I'm bawling but I love the memories!! I miss her so much!!! *HUGS* She loved her aunt Nay and I love you too sis!!!
Oh and I still wonder if maybe she was looking for her halo under the cushions of that old couch.
Lennae Underwood Brown Responds: I love you too Tink! I was already bawling. I had to retype it 3 times.
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